Journal #1 – The “Cathedral”:

I really enjoyed this short story by Raymond Carver, “Cathedral”. I was intrigued by the title right away, but once you start to read the short story it doesn’t seem to have much to do with Cathedrals. But as you keep reading they show up. As I read I underlined, boxed, and circled many aspects of the story that I thought had to do with storytelling. Focusing on the content aspect of storytelling, it really caught my eye right off the bat the way the characters refer to one another. No one has a name besides the blind man, Robert, and his late wife, Beulah. And Robert kept calling the husband Bub the entire night. I wonder if Robert came up with that nickname or if that is his actual name? At the bottom of page 272 the husband is talking about his wife’s past life when she was married to an AirForce officer. He mentioned her ex husband as “Her officer – why should he have a name?” He gave him no name. Looking at a different detail, throughout the book we read the husband’s internal thoughts. A lot of the time he will say an implicit bias he has about Robert. We see overtime that the husband slowly starts to not do this anymore and actually gets to know and talk to Robert. By the end of the book the husband is helping Robert learn and figure out with his imagination and sense of touch what a Cathedral looks like. They worked together and at the end of the story the husband closes his eyes and finally realizes what he is looking at. I personally think he’s looking at his imagination, after all this time he finally sees it, Robert helped him find it. I have a few questions about this short story. My first question is why is this short story the appendix? And adding onto that, what is the importance of the Cathedral to this story? Why make it the title if it has such a small mention? Out of the fourteen pages, four of them mentioned Cathedrals. This makes me curious, and if I’m the only one who thinks this, or if anyone has thought of an answer. I understand that the Cathedral was the stepping stone between the husband and Robert, but what is its significance? Word count: 391

Journal #2 – Chapter 2 Character: Casting Shadows –

I really enjoyed reading chapter two. I felt like I learned so much about how to develop my stories through the characters that I create in so many new and exciting ways. The exercises along the way were very helpful and something I will definitely look back on in the future if I ever need help figuring out how to create a character. There was a lot of useful information packed into this chapter so I definitely will not mention all of the important things, but here are a few things that interested me. Starting off on page 49 in the section about “Only Relevant Details”. I really liked this section because I have a hard time with adding too much detail sometimes when I write stories, but when I read the last line, I’m thinking it’s just the way they worded it but it really stuck with me. They said “Every character detail included in your fiction should work to advance or enhance the story you are telling.” When I read that line, I read it more than once but I thought about it. And I thought to myself well duh why would you put details in your story that don’t support it? So that definitely helped my brain click. And then on pages 50-51, that entire section on “What’s In A Name?” literally blew my mind! I annotated that section so much, I thought it had a lot of great things to say and helpful pointers/tips. The very last line of the chapter was just truly a cherry on top. It said “Names are like the wrapping on a present, offering just a hint of what may be inside the person.” Pure gold right there, I’m telling you! Like if that line doesn’t sum up what giving a name to someone, whether that be a character or a real person. Most people read the descriptions of the book before they buy it, a name can say a lot to one person. And lastly on page 39 in the section “Getting To Know Them”. This section had loads of information that I found to be very useful. I tend to not write a lot of stories, so figuring out that so much goes into just one character alone, it’s kind of mind blowing to think about. And it just shows me more how talented writers are. But in this section it said “… the more you know your characters, the better you will be able to draw them on the page in a believable way.” This makes perfect sense. Of course you want to know your characters because if you don’t how can you form a story? But this then makes me wonder do writers create characters first or plot? I bet you could probably do it both ways, which is pretty cool. But I would say that this was a fantastic chapter and I honestly learned a lot! Word count: 490

Journal #3 – Chapter 3 Plot: A Question Of Focus –

After reading chapter three I felt as though it had some useful information on the topic of plot and how to go about plot when you are writing a short story or a novel. Once again I feel as though there is so much important information in this chapter that I won’t be able to include here, but here are a few things that interested me. The first thing that really interested me is when the chapter talked about how you can either form a plot or a character first. They referred to this as the question “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” And I thought that was a great comparison. It mentions how whichever one you create first the next one will follow because “… whichever comes first, it usually contains the other as well.” (page 72) I never really thought of that honestly. I feel like I usually come up with my characters first and try to find a plot that fits them. The next thing that interested me was the section about the major dramatic question. I always knew there were reasons for novels and short stories but I never thought that reason would be a question that needs to be answered. It explains on page 56 that this concept of a dramatic question may be confusing for some writers because it is unfamiliar. But they continue to say that the question should come about based on the relationship between the protagonist, their goal(s), and the conflict blocking that goal. That was useful information for me especially since I’m not familiar with adding a dramatic question into my writing. And the last thing that interested me in this chapter was when they broke down the beginning, middle, and end of a story. We all know a story should have a beginning, middle, and end, but I never really knew how much and in some cases how little goes into each of them. It was also enjoyable that they connected the “Cathedral” to this section of the chapter. I felt like I got a better understanding of the story as well as a better understanding of what goes into the beginning, middle, and end. Reading that section and having it connect to a story we have already read was very intriguing and helpful. Word count: 387

Journal #4 – “To Buffalo Eastward”:

I really enjoyed this short story. I thought that it had good detail, used dialogue well, and kept the reader intrigued the entire time. At the beginning of the short story I didn’t know how it was going to end, I wanted to keep reading. I had to keep reading, I wanted to see if “The Invisible Man” would arrive at his destination, unfortunately we don’t know if he did. But the way the story ended I think was perfect! He woke up from a dream to a man screaming, he woke up and immediately had to run away. The very last sentence of the story where it talks about the note with blue lipstick, really tied the whole story together. We got one last mention of the two girls wishing him that he gets to where he is going. I felt as though it leaves the readers wanting more and imagining what the narrator will do next. There was one aspect of the story that stood out to me but I’m not sure how to explain it well, so hopefully this makes sense. I noticed in several parts of the story the narrator will have multiple sentences in a row starting with the same words. The first time I noticed this was in the middle of page two. This example is in one sentence, but he says “counted people” three times in that one sentence. Later in the story on page seven it repeats “you get annoyed” twice. And again on page eleven it repeats the words “I saw him” three times. And lastly on page thirteen is repeated the name Pidge six times. Now this may be nothing to the author, it could have just happened like that. But I feel like this is a character trait, he counts a lot. On page eleven it talks about him counting, and as an example from above he said he was counting. I feel like this is what the narrator does, he counts, whether he likes doing it or it’s just a habit. I don’t want to assume anything about this character but I feel as though he may have mental disabilities. He talks about a shot that is meant for anxiety and depression, and counting may have something to do with OCD. But repeatedly throughout the story we are told things about the character and we read the way he talks about himself. He doesn’t seem very happy, but traveling and finding new people I can tell definitely helped him. This aspect of the reading that I found may not be what you were looking for but to me I thought this was very important and I’m glad I noticed it. Word Count: 452

Journal #5 – 20 minute write about:

I write in a variety of places but having my writing space a certain way really helps. I tend to think of little one liners for poems and write them in my notes app on my phone. If I decide to write the whole poem then I can, but if I don’t I’ll save it for later. I have a notebook full of my poetry. I write the poems on my phone so I can change them around as many times as I want. Then when I like where the poem is at, I write it into my notebook. I can do this just about anywhere, preferably with music or a tv show in the background. But if I’m writing for a class or something more serious where I really do need to focus, my setup is very different. When I do homework I put my noise canceling headphones on and listen to Lofi chill beats, it doesn’t have any words and it doesn’t put me to sleep like classical music. When I write I like to do it in private so if I’m in my room the door will usually be closed. I can’t read or write (if it is important) with any noise or words going on, my brain can’t handle hearing other conversations while having to read or write other words. I am easily distracted so when I do work I tend to do it alone. And if I’m writing that doesn’t require my phone I set it somewhere out of my view so I don’t get distracted. Depending on what I’m writing it may take me a second to get started, but usually I can start writing and just bang it all out. For example, the journals for this class. I read what we are supposed to and then I sit down to write. I bang them out in about 20-30 minutes with 300-400 words. I can just keep writing and writing when I understand and enjoy what I’m writing about. Something like a three page paper about something random, I wouldn’t be able to sit there and write about it, I would get bored and most likely distracted. Some conditions that I need when I write is no talking, lofi chill beats need to be playing, I can’t have my phone in my view, a big cup of water, my favorite set of pens (if I need pens), and usually I have some fidgets lying around so if I do get distracted I can use one of those. Writing for me is something that I love doing and hope to continue to do for the rest of my life. This is how I write when I’m at school but I’m excited for the future when I can have my own space and just write until I can’t anymore. Word count: 473

Journal #6 – read chapter 4:

I feel as though this is probably one of the most important chapters we’ll be reading. Point of view  is such a big deal when it comes to writing, especially ones with characters! I really had absolutely no idea that there was this much to think about when thinking about what you want to do for the point of view in your story. There are many different routes you can take which, to me, is exciting yet also very nerve racking. How do you really know if this is the right point of view for your story? I also want to note that this is the second chapter to refer to Vermont, so shout out! But looking back on the chapter there were at least two points that really stood out to me, the first is on page 78 where it talks about the importance of point of view and the four aspects you should pay attention to when figuring out which point of view fits your story best. On that page it also talks about how point of view is based off of a basic concept. That is that “…things look different depending on who is doing the looking and what their vantage point is.” (78) I think that this line captures what a point of view is and how we should think about it and use it. The next point that stood out to me was how for some people it may be difficult to decide what point of view fits best with your story. At the bottom of page 80 it talks about how point of view can have some challenges. One of those being that “The writer is stuck in the narrator’s skin, along with the reader.” (80) With only focusing on one point of view from one character, you aren’t allowed to jump back and forth. You have to stay in that character’s mind and with their thoughts. For some writers that can be challenging. While for others it may be harder to incorporate multiple points of views. This chapter definitely has a lot of useful information to guide you on the best point of view for your story. And it is also comforting to hear that other writers struggle with this too. Word count: 378

Journal #7 – read chapter 5:

After reading chapter five on description I really enjoyed it. It was fun to read and I honestly learned a lot. I know description is important in writing because most of the time you don’t have pictures to guide your readers. I learned a lot about the right and wrong ways of writing descriptions into your story. I think one of the best tips this chapter gave was on page 120 where it talks about how you should just pour everything onto the page. Whether that be cliches, adjectives, or adverbs. You should get all of it out on the page and then go back and edit. They also said that pretending, those details that don’t fit, they just say blah blah blah. That was honestly very helpful. Another part of the chapter that interested me would be the section about specificity. I always assumed I was being specific in my writing, and I very well could have been. But for my future writing this section really stuck out to me in ways that I can make my writing better just by using specific details. On page 109 it gave an example about a car. They mentioned how if in your writing you mention a car, go into specifics. What kind of car is it? What color is it? What kind of shape is it in? This really helped me understand my short story better. This one line changed my outlook on my entire story, a pretty cool feeling honestly. The next thing that interested me was the section on the best words to use. I thought it was interesting and funny how they explained it. They said how words in a story need to be expressed like the pictures in a movie, “Always challenge yourself to find the best possible word to convey the picture in your mind.” (110). I was just talking about this in another one of my classes. We have to do annotated bibliographies on a book each week, and my books are allowed to be picture books because of the grade I want to teach. I went to my professor asking if the book I chose made sense for the topic. She said something along the lines of how words can mean so much but pictures can tell us a story. At the time I agreed with her, and I still do. But after reading this chapter, I understand it better. If you have pictures and words, most of the time the pictures will capture your attention. But in lets say a novel, you don’t have any pictures, you only have the words on the page. And those words have to tell the story. Use of description is a very important aspect into writing a short story or a novel and I’m glad this chapter showed me that. Word count: 473

Journal #8 – “Our Children”:

This short story really grabbed my attention. I annotated more about how it made me feel than I should have. The amount of detail the author used in just a few pages was breathtaking. Every page I turned, every paragraph, every sentence I read, was fascinating. There were two aspects that stood out to me, the first being that every so often the author would end a sentence and then would say one word, add a period and then start a new sentence. I thought it was interesting and I noticed it a lot throughout. One example of this is on page 36, “Last from a box of a hardening dozen. Lucky.” The author doesn’t do it alot, but when they do put it in it really captivates that line and shows more power I feel like. And the second aspect I liked about this short story was the way the author used point of view. For most of the story we are in the eyes of the narrator, the unnamed woman. Well I think she’s unnamed, if it said her name I completely missed it. But anyways, we usually are looking through her eyes. But towards the end of the story she starts to talk about how she wants to leave her kids at the cabin and what they would do. We then transition into the kids perspective but still feeling like we are in the mom’s eyes. It felt so real, all of it, the entire story. If the author didn’t use certain words, or didn’t use the point of view that they did this story would be completely different. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time, I really enjoyed it. Word count: 288

Journal #9 – read chapter 6:

This chapter had a lot of great things to say. I always have a hard time with dialogue, writing it as well as incorporating it into my work. This chapter definitely gave some helpful tips and pointers on how to do all of that, very helpful. One point that they made which was on the bottom of page 130, they mentioned two helpful tips for realistic dialogue. The first point they made was about how contractions are good. Sometimes when I’m writing I think it sounds better without contractions, but they said that usually only really formal people don’t use them. That really stuck with me, I was confused at first but it started to make sense. I think that this point was very interesting because it does make you think about dialogue in real life, most people when they speak use contractions. I never really thought of that before so it was definitely very interesting. Another point they made was on page 133. This point that they made was very interesting to me, they mentioned how the writer using “he said” or “she said” a lot can be annoying or redundant. But that is what the reader is looking for, they need to know who is talking. I think this is one part of why I have trouble with dialogue. I always feel like saying those words can be too repetitive, so it was good to hear that it really doesn’t matter. And the last point they made that stuck out to me was on page 147. They talked about how when you are reading over your dialogue and it sounds forced or unrealistic, try to arrange the dialogue differently. Or even take it out if you have to. A good reminder is that the dialogue in our writing and in stories should feel like a normal conversation, that is one of the main ideas of this chapter I would say. Word count: 322

Journal #10 – read chapter 7 on setting and pacing:

I really enjoyed this chapter, I thought that it said some really interesting things about setting and pacing in a story or a novel. This chapter gave many examples from other writers which definitely helped to see the way someone else used the tip the chapter gives us. I also want to mention that the chapter briefly talks about Marlboro, Vermont. That is about 20 minutes away from my town, I drive through it all of the time! I always knew that the setting of a story, no matter the length, was always important. One point the chapter mentions is on page 161. It talks about how the author was missing the world to surround their characters. Your characters need a setting to survive, you can’t have a story without setting. Another point that stood out to me was on page 163. It mentions how if you as the writer “… have a compelling reason not to describe your setting, then you have permission to do so.” I thought that this was something really interesting and wanted to make note of it. For example the chapter used the short story we read “Cathedral” and how the author never really describes the living room because the story is in first person. The narrator is the owner of the living room, of course he’s not pointing out different things, and the other character is blind so he’s also not looking around. The last point that stood out to me was a line that seemed to fit the overall message of pacing. I didn’t really know much about pacing or even to think of it, so I’m glad this chapter talked about it. On page 166 they said “… pay attention to how important your scene is to the overall story, and pace it accordingly.” You don’t want to rush anything, and you certainly don’t want to drag anything on for longer than it needs to be. This chapter basically says that you are the writer so you get to call the shots. Word count: 338

Journal #11 – “Escape from the Dyspehesiac People”:

I really enjoyed this short story. It kept me on the edge of my seat and I just wanted to keep reading to see what happens next. There were a lot of aspects of this story that I really enjoyed. I think that the story used a good amount of detail and dialogue, as well as having a good pace and setting. One aspect of the story that stood out to me was the usage of certain words. The author repeatedly uses the word “Beloved”. To me the author uses this in reference to the main characters’ grandchildren. I thought the author used it in the right spots, to break up the past and the present. Connecting to this, the way the author used dialogue really interested me. He had certain characters speak a certain way and use certain words, I thought it pulled those moments together well. The way the story ended was very creative, I feel as though if it ended differently it wouldn’t have completed the story. The usage of the man that the character met really helped the story as well as the character. If we didn’t mean the man, if he didn’t help the boy find the right path, if he didn’t turn into a bird, if the boy didn’t see his ancestors the story would have been drastically different. I think the author knew what they were doing and they did a really good job. I think that this story was written well and you as a reader felt like you were on the journey with the main character. Word count: 265

Journal #12 – read chapter 8:

I enjoyed this chapter and took a lot away from it, but it definitely wasn’t my favorite chapter. I just wasn’t as intrigued and feel like I’ve never had a problem with voice. This chapter seemed to remind me of the chapter on POV. But if I ever do have trouble finding a voice for a character I will definitely use this chapter to support me and help me figure out what the right voice is. One point in the chapter that interested me was how they explain all these different styles and ways of doing things, but then they tell you not to stress about it. On page 192 in the section about finding your voice, there is a line that says “The Biggest key to voice is not worrying about it.” But the thing is, I wasn’t really paying attention to voice before this chapter so I feel like now that is all I am going to be worrying about. But then on the next page they say that if you have a great story and just no voice, to keep writing. And that helped, you just have to write the story and go back and tweak it sometimes. And that is totally okay to do. The next thing that interested me was on page 186 where it talks about how varying your sentence and paragraph lengths is a good thing. If you keep them the same length throughout your story, your reader may eventually get bored. This interested me because I guess I haven’t really thought about that before, but it definitely stuck out. I will have to go back and make sure that this isn’t an issue in my work because I have a slight feeling it might. Another point that I found funny was on page 179 where it talked about how you could imagine you are Abraham Lincoln giving the “The Gettysburg Address.” I found this funny because I’ve done this, in sixth grade my class did a civil war exhibit where we dressed up as different people. I was in fact Abraham Lincoln and I had to say the speech. To this day it is one of the highlights of grade school and I remember it was a great experience. Word count: 377.

Journal #13 – read “Clementine, Carmelita, Dog” on an aspect of the story:

I found this short story quite interesting. At first I was a little confused, to me the story seemed very fast paced and jumped back and forth a lot. As I kept reading things became more clear and I started to get a better understanding of what was going on. I thought that it was a really interesting concept and POV for a short story. We don’t directly see through the dog’s eyes, and I wonder if the story would have benefited more if the author did that.  One aspect of the story that stood out to me was the mention of scent. I feel as though dogs are known for their ability to smell. The entire story from start to finish we are told the things Clementine smells, whether it be food or people, it mentions if it was a powerful scent or just a hint. The journey of finding her owner through her scent was breathtaking. What the author did with making the reader feel like they are the dog, or even just watching a dog’s life. I could picture the whole story in my head. I thought that the guardian rabbit (not angel, rabbit) in the dog’s dreams was a fantastic idea. When the dreams first came up I was very confused and thought that this was irrelevant to the story. Until I kept reading and found out that the rabbit practically reunites Clementine with Norman again, pretty wild. I had a feeling at around page 96 that the rabbit was going to lead Clementine back to Norman, but I really wasn’t expecting it to happen the way it did. I have noticed that after reading the short stories, I tend to think about what would have happened if the author wrote certain parts of the story differently. It really starts to make me think about the endless possibilities a story could have, but no matter how many there are, the author chose to write it the way they did. Pretty mind boggling stuff. Word count: 337

Journal #14 – read chapter 9:

I thought that this chapter was very useful when looking at the theme of a story. I have never really thought of a theme when writing or during the revision process. But my perspective on the theme was different from what the chapter said, and it honestly makes more sense now. I think that’s why I’ve never really had a good understanding of theme until now. There was a lot of information held in this short chapter, not really sure where to start. But I guess the first thing that interested me was the second paragraph on page 197. It talked about how the theme is an aspect of the story, “You just have to shine your flashlight on some aspect of life and let the reader see what’s there.” It stood out to me because the theme doesn’t need to be involved in the entire story, just some of it. The next thing that interested me was when they compared the theme to a vessel, like the glass holding wine. We sometimes overlook a part of our lives (or stories) that is always there – like a theme or a cup – but they still exist even if we overlook it. Another thing that interested me was on page 202 that I think is important to note. They talked about how the theme should come up naturally rather than planned. Unlike a lot of other aspects of writing, most of the time you have to know your story before you start writing. But with the theme they tell you it’ll arrive after the first draft, because you’ll most likely always write more than one draft. I thought that this chapter was very helpful and will definitely be useful in the future when I need guidance figuring out what my theme is! Word count: 300

Journal #15 – peer review end comments #1:

End comment for “The Arlo Conspiracy” – There seems to be a lot going on in this story as well as even more you want to add to it. I think that’s awesome that you have so many ideas for your story, but I feel as though, in what so far some of it isn’t necessary. If you try and figure out from what you have that can be cut out or summarized, you can add more of the story that you actually want to talk about. I said this in one of my comments, but a lot of your story so far just seemed like a bunch of small details smooched together, leading up to a story that doesn’t get told to us yet. You had amazing detail throughout your entire story, I felt very drawn in, almost like I was there. I thought your use of dialogue was incorporated into the story well, and it wasn’t too overpowering. An idea I thought of, that I’m not too sure if it’ll work. But to make sure you fit all of the important details that you want to, maybe having your story time jump so you don’t have to fill in pages with small details. Just an idea and like I said, not sure how it’ll work. You mention at the end how you are playing with the characters voices, all I have to say is keep going with it! I think they are all working well together as well as supporting the story. Word count: 253

End comment for “The Mean Streets” – I absolutely loved this story! To me the dialogue really held this story together and you integrated it well. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I thought that the way you pulled the story and the reader along as we follow William who keeps getting distracted while trying to tell his story. The two characters bounce off of each other well and they compliment each other the way you portrayed them. A part I really enjoyed was how you kept bringing up Heather taking a sip of her drink, or the sound effects from the pool game, or even bringing up how crowded the bar was. They were simple details that added a lot to the story. One thing that grabbed my attention in the beginning that you also mentioned at the end was “the red door”. I found this door to be very intriguing and I wonder if there is more that can be done with this door. One thing that I thought would be interesting, is to see how the VP is placed into this story and how he interacts with the characters. I just want more! I want to keep reading and find out what Heather decides to do and if anything happens to William after telling his story. Word count: 223

Journal #16 – peer review end comments #2:

End comment for “White in the Snow” – To me this story was about someone trying to figure out who they are and who they really want to be. They find themselves not through their family but through the demons of the snow. There were moments where I was confused on what was going on, it seemed very fast paced to me. Your dialogue is fantastic! I really felt the emotions that the characters were going through, I felt like I was there with them. The detail you had throughout explaining what the character is doing was written well. One of my favorite places you did this was on page 3 where the character grabbed her laptop and a blanket. I could picture that in my head and really enjoyed it. I had two questions, why did you use italics for the section on page 2? And is the capitalization necessary? I also felt as though I wanted more from the demons, I’m also curious to see what happens next after the ending! I thought that the last few words wrapped up the story well. Overall I thought you did a great job, and I’m excited to see where you go next! Word count: 201

End comment for “Allan Nash” – Alex what an incredible story! As you saw in my comments I did cry, which to me always means it’s a good story. What is it? This story is about a boy who is in love with bikes and is trying to save up enough money to get a new one by delivering papers. And along the way becomes a messenger between two people that fell out of love. I loved this story, I thought that you captivated each character well and had a good pace throughout your story. I want more, I need more! I’m in shock that it ended, this can’t be the end of Allan Nash!! I just wonder what would happen if more characters interacted with one another. There are so many people in this story, yet we hardly hear from them. The ending hit me right in the face, I was not expecting that at all, but I feel like if you had a different ending it may have not stuck with me as much. Allan worked so hard for that bike and then just like it was gone, just like Ms. Walker. My heart got ripped out of my chest after reading this story, and man oh man, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Word count: 217

Journal #17 – peer review end comments #3:

End comment for “The Bereaved”: To me this is a story about a woman who is trying to avenge her husband’s death but along the way gets herself into some trouble. I really appreciate you putting a trigger warning at the beginning, it was good for me to see that and prepare myself for topics that I don’t do well with. Looking at the last paragraph on page two and moving through page three was a great scene. You had a lot of detail, the pace was good, and I felt as though this scene was one of the most important ones in your story. Another thing I enjoyed about your story is your use of detail. The last paragraph on page seven really stuck out to me. I hate gore and blood and anything like this, but you really caught my attention throughout this story which helped me keep reading. There were times though that the wording was a little confusing or that the story seemed to be rushing at certain points. My first suggestion for this story is to me, the ending is unclear if the woman had died. If she did, I feel like you could make it a little more clear. But I’m also curious if that is the right way to end this story, something to think about. There’s probably just a few spots that need to be looked at but overall really nice work on this story!! Word count: 243

End comment for “Overboard”: To me this story is about a woman who is trying to kill a sea monster and along the way she learns how she is harming her crew and tries to fix it. I really enjoyed your title, before I even started reading I was thinking of all the different possibilities this story could tell, what you wrote was amazing! After reading the second page I felt that you incorporated dialogue very well. I could feel how the characters felt with themselves and with one another. I thought the pace of your story worked. There was a time you put three weeks later in an asterisks, and I wonder if adding a brief paragraph about those three weeks may benefit the reader. Once that popped up I felt a little lost, like I missed something. I was on the edge of my seat for so much of this story, I never knew what was going to happen next and I loved that because you filled the story in really well. I felt that you captured the character Alina well, you can really see and feel her dedication to this and how much she wants to conquer the sea monster. The last paragraph took my breath away, especially the ending! I feel like there are a few places in your story that might need to be touched up, but overall you wrote a fantastic story! Word count: 238

Journal #18 – peer review end comment #4:

End comment for “#1 Dad”: What an intriguing story that had so much pain and love all rolled into one! I thought that this story was about a dad who lost his wife and is trying to make his family whole again day by day. I thought you had good dialogue throughout but I felt that you could have used more, we only hear from the dad and I feel like Kevin has a big role in this story. Right off the bat I loved how you talked about the burning smell on the day of the wife’s death but don’t go into specifics later on. I was very intrigued by it and wanted to keep reading to see if you would ever mention it and you did which I was happy about. I was really hoping we would see the character develop into a better person and see who he truly is and how important he is, but we didn’t and I wonder how that would have affected the story. In my comments you can see where, but there were a couple of sports to me where it seemed like it should be an important scene but it doesn’t end up being that. I also was confused by the scene with the principle. I wonder what would have happened if you added dialogue there, just a thought. But overall a really great story! Word count: 234

Journal #19 – peer review end comments #5:

End comment for “Unfulfilled History”: To me this story was about a boy that wasn’t sure where he came from. Until one day he goes on a journey and finds the key to all their missing answers. I really enjoyed this story, it kept me on the edge of my seat just about the whole time. I thought you had good pacing throughout your story. I felt like I could’ve just kept reading this story forever. I also thought that your characters worked well with one another, some of the dialogue at times seemed a little off and unrealistic, but I feel like if you change the wording around a little the whole story would flow better. One thing that I really liked about your story was how you portrayed Eren and his determination to solve the mystery of the creatures was incredible. Connecting to that with another thing I liked was how you really captured mystery. We see mystery in Eren and in Pickus, as well as what they are trying to solve on their journey. Without the mystery aspect I think the story would be completely different. I feel like as I read I start to put the puzzle pieces together. Moving onto suggestions, I don’t have many but just a few things you could think about. I pointed it out in my comments but I thought that there were a few spots where the wording was a little clunky and it was hard to read. I’m also hoping that you don’t end your story where you did. I feel like that is too big of a cliff hanger to leave a reader on, we need to know more!! Word count: 281

End comment for “Phoenix Calling”: To me this story was about two people who are not only confronted with the feelings they have for one another, but also confronted with new abilities. I thought that you used dialogue well, I felt the characters and got a good idea of who they are. You bounced back and forth from Hector and Carol being the POV and half the time the transitions were so smooth I barely noticed! For me though I was confused for a majority of this story, at times I felt you were rushing while other times I felt it was getting dragged along. As I continued to read more I understood it better, so I’m curious if bringing importance to different details in the beginning might benefit the story. I think other than just changing some wording and moving and or adding stuff is all the story really needs. I am puzzled by your ending though. I really liked it and thought that it fit well with the story, but I feel like other readers might disagree and say they want more of the story. I would agree, I definitely want to know more, but if you decided to not continue after where you left off I’d be satisfied. Overall, a really great story! Word count: 216

Journal #20 – peer review end comments #6:

End comment for “Escape”: This story was about a teenage girl who is in a wheelchair and all she fantasizes about is being able to walk while we see her troubling family dynamic. One thing I liked was the way you portrayed the relationship between Gracie and her mother was done really well. Another thing I liked was how every so often you would put a really attention grabbing moment on a page and it would suck me right back in, I was on the edge of my sit the whole time! At certain times you had really captivating descriptions, one of my favorites was on page nine when you described Ms. Ruth. I really liked that part, and just the way Gracie and the narrator speak, it holds the story well. Moving onto suggestions, the first one is that I really dig the POV change from reality to something else, but I feel like you gotta stick with one word for it. There were a few places where I was a little confused, at one point it said that Gracie wanted to get to school thirty minutes early but it seemed like that once she arrived the bell rang. And at times during the fiction part it seemed a little rushed, I feel like you need to not so much repeat the entire thing over, but rather create something new for the fiction Gracie to do. I liked when you had her with her friends talking, riding the bus, or skipping class because we never saw the reality Gracie ever did that. But I felt that repeating the whole morning scene twice was too repetitive. Overall though I really liked this story, job well done!! Word count: 286

End comment for “Lady Of Justice”: To me this story is about a girl who wanted to get revenge on the one person who completely ruined her life. I thought that you wrote a great story. You packed in a lot of detail, and I thought that you had great pacing throughout the whole story. I didn’t notice anywhere that went too fast or too slow! You have a good use of dialogue throughout your story, most of it was the two of them talking and it was done very well. I could feel how they felt and the two really played well with each other. I heard you mention in class that you kind of based this off of Criminal Minds and I can 100% see it! Definitely not as much gore as the show but absolutely the idea! One comment I have is that I was confused around the end of page seven where Essie said to Gunner “Eight months of pretend love…” was she with him for the past eight months? What did she mean by that? Unless I missed something but making this section a little more clear is one suggestion I have. I also really liked your ending and thought it fit with the story. But no doubt if you continued the story after the phone call I would keep reading to see what happens! But really great story, nice job! Word count: 236

Journal #21 – peer review end comments #7 (round 1 and 2):

End comment for “Like a Fish in Water”: This story is about a girl named Alice who awakes after years of hallucinations to find out that she has a syndrome that can’t be fixed. What a great story! In the beginning, up until you mentioned what Alice was dealing with, I didn’t really know what was going on. I didn’t know if she was dreaming or what. But once you told us it all made much more sense. And I really enjoyed how you started and ended the story with her having a hallucination with only a snippet of real time. I also want to add that I was ecstatic to see that you added a flamingo in there, it’s my favorite animal and I just loved how you made it giggle! Even though I was slightly confused, your writing still captivated me. You had so much detail and great wording choices that made the story feel complete. I also loved the last line, I thought that it tied the story together well, but you could definitely keep adding onto it. One question I have that I’m just curious about is if Leslie is supposed to be like the flamingo? And one suggestion I had is that since the section where the doctor is telling Alice what is going on with and what had caused this to occur, I feel like you could say what she did. I’m left wondering what she could have done to cause so much brain damage to get this syndrome and for how severe it is. Other than that absolutely great story! Word count: 267

End comment for “Uzume the Seamstress”: This is a story about a woman who is pregnant and has her parents come to visit. But they don’t stay long once we learn the hatred the father has towards the son in law. I really liked this story and thought it was written well. At first the page breaks and time jumps confused me, but once I kept reading it started to make a lot more sense. I thought that you worded things well and had great details throughout the story.I also thought that you carried the message of the cloth scraps and her love for knitting really good and not too many times but a good amount. There were a few spots in the story that I had confusion about that I noted in my comments. I thought that the ending was very sweet, but you definitely could keep adding more. One suggestion I had would be to time jump to the birth or even when the baby is older and can talk. I also thought that the dynamic between the father and the son in law was pushed under the rug a little bit. You said in the story twice that they would talk or wanted to talk and they never did, yet the father shook the son’s hand before leaving. I feel like if you were to continue, you should develop that a little more. Overall great story! Word count: 240

Journal #22 – Read chapter ten and note down points that interested you:

I felt as though that this chapter was really interesting and helpful to start the revision process. Starting on page 215, one point that really interested me was when they said that you shouldn’t revise your paper when you’re feeling a certain way. They said to just set the writing aside and come back to it later when you feel more like yourself. I thought this was good to mention even though I would have never thought of it. One line that really stood out to me as something I need to remember is that “it’s your work. You’ve got to know when to listen to suggestions, and when to say no, thanks.” (217) This is something that I feel like I need to remember. I have a hard time trying to make sure that every reader is satisfied even though I know you can’t do that. One of my favorite sections that really interested me was the big picture section. It listed many things that are big and important things to consider while revising your work and I think it’s all important to know and understand. Overall I thought that this chapter was really important to grasp for this class but also in the future. The chapter has things to look out for and fun exercises to get you started in the revision process. Word count: 225

Journal #23 – Gather your thoughts about what you’ve learned about the process and any notes you might share as writers with your writing community:

This wasn’t my first time getting worked shopped, but I still learned a lot. Workshop though is very intimidating to me. I know people like different things and have different suggestions, but I also know that you won’t please everyone so it makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes. But I was really excited to hear from my peers because I value what they have to say and think that they are all wonderful writers. One thing that I feel like several people mentioned that I have a hard time on is showing instead of telling. That’s one thing that I keep hearing in the back of my head while I write my second story. Another thing I’ve learned is that sometimes you have to think about what the reader will want rather than you the writer. I think I learned this the most while workshopping others. Most of the time we all agreed on someone’s suggestion for the writer which makes me switch my brain a little when I read it outloud. I try to act like it’s my first time reading it everytime I read it over. This next one ties into something I’ve learned and a note for the writing community. It’s that sharing your work with others might seem scary or nerve racking at first, but once you do it you feel like you are on top of the world, well at least I do! But it’s so exhilarating to share your work and hear things that everyone liked as well as suggestions for if and or when you rewrite the piece. Workshop is a fun place where we share great ideas that some would have never thought about, teach one another on certain topics, and most of the time we are laughing all together! Word count: 297

Journal #24 – peer review end comments #8 (round 2):

End comment for “Odontogenesis” by Eve: As I was reading the story I was confused for a while until I kept reading and it started to make more sense. I thought that you had good detail throughout your story as well as a good group of characters to bounce off of one another. One thing that I really liked about your story was the constant mention of the rain. The rain is consistent throughout the story and to me it feels like a character. It’s affecting the characters in different ways and everytime you bring it up you never say the same things about it, it’s a new perspective on each page about the rain. As I was reading though I thought that Tabitha had contradicting views, at a few points it seems like she is fine being with Sòl when at other times she seems afraid. When they first interact after she wakes up she doesn’t even seem phased, that confused me. One suggestion I have is to maybe mention the vampires earlier on. I had no idea this story was about vampires until page thirteen and you didn’t say they were vampires until page fourteen. I feel like giving your reader that extra knowledge may be helpful.Overall good story!! Word count: 212

End comment for “Save the Cat” by Lizzy: I really enjoyed this story! I thought that the two characters and the cat bounced off of each other really well. They all helped one another at one point or another in the story. I thought that the first page was laid out well. You had a great lead up to Sam and Matthias seeing Thomas on their couch. One moment that I really enjoyed was after they found Thomas’ family, you made the two characters stay friends and I thought that was brilliant! I’m really glad you kept them all together rather than turning them into strangers again. I was very saddened when the cat ran away and then broke his leg, but having Thomas find him was perfect! They got to bond a little and Sam got to hear how much he really means to Matthais which I think he really needed to hear. Later on Sam gives Thomas advice about his family and I thought the whole story came full circle! I have two small suggestions if you decide to continue with this piece. One is that you mentioned Thomas’ name on page three but the reader and other characters don’t find out his name until page four. I feel like we shouldn’t have his name until we are given it, but that’s very small. Another suggestion is that if you want to make the story longer I feel like you should have Thomas explain his story on page four. I want to know what happened, that’s all I keep thinking about! But overall it was a really great story, I loved it! Word count: 274

Journal #25 – peer review end comments #8 (round 2):

End comment for “Calling Out Into the Night” by Isabella: This story is about a woman who is hiking for a work assignment and runs into some people that she never would’ve expected. I absolutely loved this story! It’s probably one of my favorites that we have read thus far in class. The plot of the story was incredible! The entire time I was on the edge of my seat trying to guess and figure out what was going to happen next. The second paragraph on page four is where it really started to pick up and get more intense, I do think that giving us all of those prior details about the family was well needed and added to the story. As a suggestion you could definitely cut it down or cut it all out completely if you need or want to. One thing that I really liked about your story was the going back and forth of if Uncle Paul was a good or bad guy and if who was walking through the door was her father or her mother. There were a few spots throughout the story where some sentences were clunky, but overall I thought you had great wording and great details throughout. One question I have after reading this is who the restraining order was put on? I was confused by the wording and wanted some more clarification. But honestly, a really great story, I loved it! Word count 241
End comment for Frank and Huckleberry” by Harry: This is a story about a man who is a veteran and has a strong hatred towards a gibbon named Huckleberry. I really liked this story and that it held together well. I thought your pacing and timeline was done well, it just made me want to keep reading. I thought that your dialogue throughout your story was done very well. I felt like I got a good grasp on each character that spoke. You also had great detail throughout the entire story that really kept the story moving along. One thing that I just feel like we’re missing is why Frank has such a strong hatred towards Huckleberry. Since this is what the story was all about I feel like we needed a little something as to why he does this everyday. And this could just be me, but I’m interested in the relationship between Frank, Barb, and Bill. He seems very close to Barbara but not Frank. Overall, a really great story, I’m excited to see what you could add to this! Word count: 182

Journal #26 – peer review end comments #9 (round 2):

End comment for “The Long Winter” by Luke: This story is about a man who has to say goodbye to his wife and fight in an uncommon battle. This story was super interesting and held my attention the whole time. The first line pulled me right in and made me want to keep reading. Towards the beginning I got the sense of hunter-gatherers’ but as I kept reading I understood that it was way more than that. What I liked about your story is the way you capture detail. I felt like I could picture everything you were saying and I really enjoyed that. One suggestion I have is to create conflict on page five, what would happen if the main character would have protested? Another suggestion I have is to give the beast a name. They seem like they have been doing this for awhile and are familiar with the beast. Giving it a name just seems reasonable, even if it happens in the middle or end of the story. And one question I have is who Dawn is. I’m assuming it’s the wife but are we certain?! OVerall though, a really great story and I’d be excited to see where you took this piece! Word count: 206

End comment for “The Whole World is Waiting” by Shea: This story is about a boy who is lost but eventually finds his way to the girl that would change everything. Shea this story was so good! I really liked the way you portrayed your characters and the way you had them talk. To me the whole story really sounded like a college kid was telling it, really great work there! This story kept me very intrigued, I do enjoy myself a good romance story but there’s more to it than that. The flow of the story just carries the reader to the end and it felt like I had read this story in five minutes, I just kept reading and reading! Also once you mentioned Mac I was waiting and waiting for you to put lyrics in. When you finally did at the end it was great, you intergrated the lyrics well and I thought that you picked some good ones. One suggestion I have is to maybe create some more dialogue. I felt like we didn’t hear enough from everyone, so if you decide to expand definitely think about that. Also the ending, I think it was good and definitely kept the readers on a cliffhanger. But I wonder what you could add after the ending to jazz it up a little. I don’t know just a thought. Overall one of my favorite stories we’ve read thus far! Word count: 240

Journal #27 – peer review end comments #10 (round 2):

End comment for “Seafoam” by Alex: This is a story about two lovers from different backgrounds who try to be together but are torn apart from each other in unfair circumstances. This was a really great story! There was so much detail and depth throughout your story, as well as little bits of information scattered throughout that helped the reader understand what was going on. I liked how you used italics in the beginning, setting your readers up to know they will be occurring in the story.You also incorporated the italics throughout the story very well! One thing I really liked was the last paragraph on page six. It literally gave me the chills. It was so good! It held so much detail, had vital information about the story, and was really well written! I had absolutely no idea one of them was going to die, it really threw me for a loop but I definitely think it worked! Having Ophelia save Doris so she didn’t have to go out that way, but then ends up dying herself, I mean just breathtaking and shocking, but brought so much to the story. Especially the ending. It was so bittersweet, a really good ending! One suggestion I have is to maybe make it clear in the beginning who can touch what and who can’t. At times it seemed like Ophelia was in the water and okay, but then at the end she died from it. And another suggestion is to maybe try and rework the last paragraph on page four. It was confusing on what was happening, and didn’t seem that important to the story, but that could just be me. Overall though, it was a really great story! Word count: 288

End comment for “Live: The Denver Defenders Told From a Fresh Perspective” by Peyton: This story is about two rival teams who end up coming closer in the end. I really dig this story! It reminded me of the movie Thunder Force on Netflix and I feel like it’s kind of underrated but it’s such a good movie! The drama happening throughout the whole story between the two groups was done really well. Since there were so many characters at times it was hard to keep track, but for the most part it was super easy to tell who was talking and who was doing what. I really liked how you introduced a majority of the characters on the first page, you also gave a good amount of information on the first page which is helpful for the reader. One suggestion I have is to explain what Unknown is wearing. We get a sense of how the rest of them look besides Unknown and I’m very curious. And the whole fighting scene from page six to about page eight was slightly confusing to me. I don’t know if it was just me but I was confused on why they were fighting and where the villain came from and if the villain was actually there or not? There was just a lot going on with not a lot of information. Also at one point someone says something like so much for not killing people. But to me it seemed like they had killed many, many people prior to that so I was wondering if they are or aren’t supposed to kill people. But honestly, I loved this story, so cool to read about superheroes! Word count: 283

Journal #28 – peer review end comment #11 (round 2):

End comment for “Twinkie Boy“ by Andrew: This story is about a guy who won a lifetime supply of twinkies when he was younger, to one day having those twinkies be the only thing that keeps him alive. I loved this story! It felt trippy, but also a story with good character development and the idea of a world where an apocalypse had begun. One thing I liked about your story is how you told us what the twinkie boxes looked like. The entire time I thought they were just generic cardboard boxes, but to know they weren’t was a small detail that I appreciated. You had many small details placed into your paragraphs which really carried the story along. There were a couple of parts that were confusing that I mentioned in my comments. But one major thing I was confused about was where the bombs and the arrows came from. You had just talked about it being an apocalypse so I guess I’m confused on why people are using bombs and arrows. And one suggestion I have is to maybe rework Mr. Smith’s character. I feel like giving him a different attitude and social skills might benefit the story. Overall though, a really cool story that was well written! Word count: 211

Journal #29 – peer review end comments #12 (round 2):

End comment for “Remember Me“ by Marissa: This story is about a young girl who got in a car accident and ended up in a coma and had the weirdest “dream”. This story was amazing! I couldn’t stop reading it, I didn’t add my first comment until page ten because I couldn’t take my eyes off of the words! The transitions between real life and the dream / coma state were done incredibly well. I thought that you worded things well and had great detail throughout your story, especially on the first page. My first suggestion is that I would assume the hospital would’ve told Mia if she was sharing a room, especially if it was a man… My second suggestion would be to maybe talk about why the doctor and the guy in the “dream” looked alike, that part just kind of confused me. Overall though a really great story, kept me on the edge of my seat, I loved it! Word count: 161

End comment for “Dead Man Walking“ by Matt: This story is about an ordinary man who turns out to be a known killer that everyone wants to fight. This was a great story! It had so much detail and the pacing was great, the story flowed really well. One thing that I really liked about your story was your dialogue. I thought that you incorporated it well and that we as a reader got a good sense of your characters through the dialogue. Another thing I liked is how you said what the reaper actually is. I was confused if it was a human or an animal/creature so I appreciate you stating it before the reader found out who the reaper was so we weren’t confused the whole time. I also really liked your ending, I thought that it was very powerful and held a lot of emotions. One suggestion I have is to add the time period in at some point in your story. I think it would’ve helped me as a reader to grasp what was going on a little better and the vibe of everyone. Overall though, a really great story, nice work! Word count: 197

Journal #30 – write an entry focusing on an aspect of the story:

From the moment I started reading I was captivated by the story and was excited to see where it would go. The way the author writes is something that really stuck out to me, they put so much information and details into this short story. But it all makes sense because the author words it so well. It reminds me of The Cathedral and I’m curious if this is just a different point of view of that story or if it’s just oddly similar. At one point on page 167 it says “Norman was acting very deaf.” This sentence kind of threw me for a loop, I’m confused by it. The dialogue in this story is incredible. You got a really good feel of all of the characters, either by themselves or with each other. It made me happy when they mentioned how Caroline’s family is from Vermont! I guess I would like to know why Norman was crying in the bathroom. They didn’t talk about it much after the incident, and I felt as though it was a big part of the story that was kind of shoved under the rug. Overall I really enjoyed this short story and how we got a different point of view from The Cathedral and how the characters acted differently in a new set of eyes.